Mistakes are made by everyone, and all have the ability to learn from them. Emphasis on what has already been can be divined and interpreted in order to influence what will become. While looking backwards in order to move forwards is generally a prudent way to progress through life, it is possible to become so mired in what once was that what will occur, or even what is happening right now, becomes irrelevant an ignored.

What now to do when the future holds no grip on oneself? When what once was, even as a mere memory, is far more appealing than anything the future cold possibly hold? To sit and comfortably hold visions of happiness instead of going out and creating new ones is tragic. The past has claimed the souls of countless people unable to pull away from its grip. So where does that leave me?

I see the past as a link to my future. one that is uncertain and tumultuous at best. So right now I'm faced with a dilemma. Cling to the past in the hope that my future coincides with it at one point? Or, cast off any hope and stay on the fringes of the map, the area marked by pirates as "here be monsters'?

I don't like monsters, so here's to putting faith in something other than myself.
Something worth everything to me.

The turning tide

What a sexy sexy sword, I hear it drops from Kel'thuzad in heroic Naxx.
oh? we killed him?
Oh? it dropped?
oh? it's mine?

Proud owner of the best Caster sword in the game. (so far)
Take THAT, you cute little Healadins!

Go to work, send your kids to school

follow fashion, act normal

walk on the pavement, watch T.V

save for your old age, obey the law

repeat after me: I am free.

Can't do it anymore, I look at the "stable" job and all I'm able to see is shackles. Stability at a cost of working a 9-5 with weekends to mingle through all the other suburban zombies as they constantly search for braaiiins (i.e the newest cutest like room ornament from IKEA or that perfect handbag)
Reminiscing about my childhood I'm drawn to memories of the countless road trips in my dad's 1980 Chevy van. A rolling work of decadent 1970's plush unto itself, it boasted sinfully scarlet crushed velvet walls, shag carpeting, and slept two in the bed constructed in the rear. Hours at a time would the Canadian wilderness slide by at 90km/h. I found this video that gave me goosebumps as I realized I've seen virtually every single one of the highway landscapes portrayed.



two weeks ago, en route to my birthday dinner, I was involved in a car accident that left the rear bumper off my car pushing up against the tire, effectively writing it off. I have not been without my own method of transportation for my entire adult life (such as it is.) and it has effectively crippled my freedom. not only do i have to work a "stable" job to pay down my debts, compounding that fracture to my spirits is the loss of my ability to simply escape whenever the whim took me.

The plan in the near future is the kill the debts, save the money, acquire a new vehicle, and then just.....


Drive.

Lately I've been having a recurring daydream in which my current mind and intellect are transported and supplanted into the body and time of myself many years in the past. I still carry the knowledge and experience of the years in between, including world events and things that happened in my life. I'm fairly safe to hazard a guess that this is a manifestation from my subconscious that I'm currently deeply unhappy with the path my life has chosen. An impossible fantasy where I get a second chance, armed with the knowledge of the path I trod, to forge a new one.

I'm fairly well grounded in the surreality I envelope my existence with, but this daydream... I mold and shape vivid and precise details of what I would do, the change I would invoke, even how I would manage to convince my dad why a 13 year old boy would want to spend the money he earned delivering flyers buying stock in a company named 'google'.

The day this idea has chosen is the first day of junior high school, and I'm partly sure it was chosen because my subconscious feels this to be a time where the most change could occur.
fifteen years of forewarning, wisdom, knowledge and experience. If somehow i actually found myself in this position, the excitement of changing for the positive would be tempered with the apprehension that I have to endure the sadness, tragedy, and terror of experiences already lived through, again.

The awesome, the divine, the horrifying, the destruction, of the possibly preventable occurrences. This brings me to the indecision I would have if faced with the burden of foresight.
What would I change? How would I talk to the friend I know isn't long for this world? Could I sit and watch my love play with her best friend, knowing he's going to get sick and die in her arms?
Would I knowingly walk down a road filled with both serene happiness and soul crushing anguish? Or would I stop at the trail head and peer down the dusty track, breathe a heavy sigh, and set my foot onto a path into the unknown?

I'd like to think, some of the hurt was worth it, and still walk down the path I know, if only for the reason the pain makes the happiness that much more real.